Thursday, November 26, 2015

Santa's Hot Items this Year

Santa goes modern this year.  Gone are the Furbys, the Tickle-me-Elmos, the Cabbage Patch Kids and the Transformers.  All replaced by semi-legal personal drones and hover boards, the modern version of a motorized skate board.  Add a raincoat to the hover board assembly and you have essentially a 1964 Volkswagen Beetle.  Since I never learned to skate or ride a skateboard, I will always be suspicious of any contraption that uses hands free operation for controlling speed and/or direction or stopping and starting.  I learned to ride horses but I consider them more dangerous than a motorcycle mainly because they don't have brakes or an on & off switch.
     The personal drone is every nerdy teen age boy voyeur's dream.  He can fly it around the neighborhood and peek in his female schoolmates bedroom window and possibly catch her sexting her jock boyfriend.  A sex-text he can only imagine never having seen one himself.  Not having a personal drone, he is restricted to his dad's porn collection.  He will then grow up and become either a pastor in his church, a closet homosexual or release his frustrations by shooting up his school lunchroom with an AK-47.  I hope his parents relent and spend the $500,00 or so and get him the drone.  The possible alternative is so much worse.  Next time, only have girl babies.
    On the subject of Santa; with global warming, don't you think it's time to get rid of the image of a jolly, old fat man riding a sleigh and wrapped in a red suit and furs.  Coca - Cola took him off their cans decades ago.  Maybe we need to stop polluting little kid's minds with images of snow and roasting chestnuts.  Probably 80% of them have never seen snow or a chestnut.  Can't anybody think up some new myths to occupy little minds to prepare them for a new reality?  Please try.

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